Stress is the physiological and neurological process that helps you deal with threats. In other words, stress, as a process, is a healthy bodily response to something we perceive as challenging. But when our capacity to manage a major life change, care for ourselves, and stay connected to our resources becomes overwhelmed, too much of it can be left lingering in our bodies. We can find it hard to be present and at ease.
Common Sources of Stress
Stressors are what activate the stress response in your body. There are internal stressors such as body image, self-criticism, identity, memories, etc. Stress is an adaptive mechanism to help us escape threats. When we are self-critical for instance, it can increase stress hormones. When we think “I am not enough” it literally sends the message to your body that you are the threat.
And there can be external stressors such as work, finances, cultural norms and expectations, experiences of discrimination, major life changes, physical environments around you (for example loud noises or unsafe living spaces) and so forth. Our social context can prevent us from listening to our body’s need to release the stress we are carrying. Ideals around stress management is to either eliminate the stressor or to “just relax”. Our feelings of fear, anger, rage and despair stays inside us. Thus, constrictions around emotional expression, race or gender scripts, make it hard for our nervous system to know we are safe to express these emotions if all we receive is judgment.
Signs and Symptoms of Stress
Signs and symptoms of stress may include changes in your body, emotions, actions and thoughts. Learning to identify these signals can help you better manage your stress.
Changes in the Body:
- tense muscles
- changes in appetite or eating habits
- changes in sleep patterns
- digestive issues
- headaches
- fast heart rate
Changes in Emotions:
- feeling worried
- feeling angry or irritable
- feeling like you can’t cope
Changes in Actions:
- using alcohol or other substances to help you cope
- withdrawing from others
- avoiding stressful situations
- fidgeting
Changes in Thinking:
- having trouble concentrating or making decisions
- lower self-confidence
- racing thoughts
At a certain point, our body protests and uses everything it can to get our attention, letting us know something about the way we are living or trying to cope is no longer sustainable.
Effective Strategies for Managing Stress
The key to managing stress is not simply relaxing or “calming down”. It’s actually allowing the stress response cycle to complete according to Nagoski’s (2019) research. This looks like letting your body move all the way through the cycle from “I am at risk” to “I am safe”.
To break this down, imagine we see a grizzly bear chasing us. Our body sees danger and sends this information to our brain. Our brain tells our body to respond with fight, flight or freeze. Once the threat is over, our nervous system relaxes and returns to its normal state. In real life, we are almost never chased by bears and our stressors are longer in duration – think having a stressful job, going through a divorce or being told over and over that we are imagining the discrimination we are experiencing. All that activated stress hangs out inside us. The good news is there are strategies that can help us with the completion of the stress cycle: exercise, positive social interaction, good old cry, laughter or primal scream, and expression through the creative process.
Exercise: physical activity is the most efficient strategy for completing the stress cycle and recalibrating your nervous system. Have a cruel boss? Run, walk, wiggle or dance around in your room releasing all the feelings of reactivity or defensiveness in your body. Notice if racing thoughts, tension or tightness begin to soften.
Positive social interaction: people who listen to us with a loving and calm presence can be a space to discharge stress without being judged or shamed. People who allow us to share our stress and emotions without being told we need to relax or forget about it reassures us that the world is safe.
Laughter, cry or primal scream: Have you had the experience of crying so hard and then doing a big sigh and noticing a feeling of relief from whatever made you cry? These forms of release have a soothing effect which can help regulate our emotions and make us feel calm.
Creative expression: creative expression in forms of arts like drawing, music or storytelling, creates a context that encourages emotional expression. When we feel heartbroken for example, there’s a song that can move us through the grief and pain. It’s a space to play, feel, express and speak our truths.
The Role of Counselling in Stress Management
Talking to a counsellor about stress can be a key part of addressing and reducing it long-term. A counsellor can be the positive social interaction that gives space and openness to release all forms of stress – anger, fear, shutdown. After getting to know you, a counsellor may recommend healthy strategies for dealing with stress. In session together, the counsellor may introduce practices that address the stress activation and promote resilience. For instance, skills for healthy boundaries, skills for promoting comfort and care, or skills for release and grounding to name a few.
How to Get Started with Counselling
If you would like support managing life stress, please reach out here.
Reference
Nagoski, A., & Nagoski, E. (2019). Burnout: The secret to unlocking the stress cycle. Ballantine Books.
